Not at all. A guy can't seriously expect you to be in a committed relationship without even going on a date with you. That's so high school.

I've never been on a date before, so I don't naturally know this kind of thing.

Not at all

I'm straight... But I used to work with many, many gay guys, have regularly been mistaken for being gay, had a gay relative and had a couple of gay mates in high school.... If that's useful :lol:

If not, just talk to blacka

I was at an engagement party on Saturday night in a country town, meeting lots of new people drinking a fuckload of beer etc.

There were a handful of gay guys there that were local to the area, I was asking them about what the gay scene was like in the area because where I grew up (another rural area) it was really tough for the gay guys that hadn't really come out, but everyone knew they were gay. Then we were talking about how much better things were getting these days for gay people in Australia and how the ALP had passed a lot of new laws in their time giving more equality - the last step was just marriage, but none of them really cared all that much because they were young and not ready to get married yet. I joked about how that even though they might not want it now, they deserved the right to be as miserable as the rest of us (my wife was there next to me at the time)

One of them kept kind of looking at me a bit funny, but didn't think anything of it until much later.

My wife left the party because she had to pick up our daughter, about 3 of the gay guys, 3 girls, the host and I all end up in the hot tub continuing to drink & talk. The numbers get smaller and smaller, ends up that it's just me and the gay guy that was looking at me funny.

Bam, hand on the leg.

I asked him what he was doing, and he asked if I wanted to fool around.

"Nah man, I'm married - you met my wife just before"
"Yeah, but lots of married guys like to fool around"
"Ah yeah, that's cool. Nah man, I'm all good. I'm flattered but I'm really straight. I got all my experimentation out of my system when I was much younger"
"Oh, ok"

I tried to turn the conversation back to other mundane stuff like kids & Thailand, 30 minutes later he's getting grabby again.

"Why did you ask about the gay scene here if you didn't want to fool around?"
"Cmon dude, I told you why I was asking. Really man, you're making me a bit uncomfortable now"
"I don't understand why you don't want to fool around"
"I told you why man"
"Oh, ok"

Things were awks from there, I tried getting the host back into the tub (it really was a nice tub, I didn't want to get out).

He tried one more time, so I said "Dude, I don't know how many times I can tell you no" and got out of the tub and went home.

So... how many times does someone need to be told no?

If that was a straight guy doing that to a girl, he'd be in all sorts of trouble. I had the same thing when I was overseas, a gay mate of mine would always try to kiss me whenever we got drunk/high and went back to my boss' place. I laughed it off the first time, but it kept happening (even though he had a boyfriend).

Do we let gay people get away with too much because anything negative towards them or about them is a touchy subject?

That's not exclusive to gay guys. Straight guys are exactly the same, especially when alcohol is involved.

As with the advice usually given out to ladies (who are more often subjected to this)- if someone is making unwelcome sexual advances on you clearly say no, and remove yourself from the situation. Tell the host why you are leaving, and if they are responsible they will have a word to the offender.

notor - if the gay guy was a guy, and you were a girl in that situation - i'd be looking at it saying "that chick actually wants the attention - if she didn't want it she would have gotten the fark away from the dude as she knows he'd keep coming back". gay or not, in that sort of situation it shouldn't have taken too much (even drunk) brain power to know he'd keep coming back for more. i'm not trying to say you were into it, but i think especially because booze was involved you (in a sense) brought it upon yourself the 2nd & 3rd times.

I don't think it is that, I think it is more a case that sexual harassment of straight men by homosexual men goes largely unreported due to the social stigma of homosexuality. It isn't a case of "ooh we have to be delicate with the gays", more a "Fuck, what will Robbo and Merv at the work site say if they found out some dude grabbed my sack? They'll think *I'm* queer"

I also feel there is an undercurrent within society of "Well, you aren't a defenseless woman so if you get molested you must want it. Otherwise you'd have stopped him right?" which makes it hard for men to report assault (and is, of course, insultingly sexist and wrong.)

Also, you'd be surprised how often guys get inappropriately handsy with girls at parties like that if you think he'd be in "all sorts of trouble" had notor been female.

EDIT: pv4 that is victim blaming and 100% not OK. No should always mean no, not "not yet"

Edited by scoll: 27/3/2013 11:18:38 AM

i'm not saying that no shouldn't mean not yet, i'm just saying that regardless of genders and scenarios - sex drive & booze nearly always leads to the same scenario. it's commonsense, and only takes putting things in perspective, to predict what would have happened in that scenario

Fingers crossed they agree then.

:shock:

?

Been in very similar situations myself. Guys are sleezes :lol:

Agreeing to go on a date isn't a binding contract of commitment, you (and the guy) have every right to see whoever you want until you guys decide whether or not to be exclusive

Just go out with both of them once or twice, get to know them as people and make an informed decision as to whether you like either of them. If you don't, move on. If you do, continue to date the one you like most and break it off with the other one.

You are dating, not in a committed relationship. Don't let anyone pressure you into being more serious than you want to be. If either of these guys actually like you and value you as a person they will respect your choices.

(I'd also advise not bringing up the fact that you are concurrently seeing someone else, it is likely that will be taken as a lack of commitment or possibly a threat. Go into it with both parties aware that the first date or so is a get-to-know you deal and doesn't make you boyfriend and girlfriend. By the time you are ready for that you will only be seeing one person anyway. A mature person can differentiate between a date and a relationship but you don't know these guys that well so it is best to assume otherwise.)

Thank you :) I've made it clear to both of them that there's no commitment involved with the date, it's just to get to know them better and see how things work.
The funny thing is that they're really different from each other.

This is why I ":shock:"'d before, KC.

Yeah, fair enough, I won't let either of them know then.

KC, never, ever talk about other guys with the guy you're dating.

I wouldn't say it was because of the alcohol or anything. Or even bring sexuality or genders into it. It was just daft not to get out of the hot tub straight up.

I'll keep that in mind.

Anyone here identify themselves as an alpha male? What's the best way to deal with them?

I can hear David Attenborough's voice narrating...
"Here we see the alpha male's biatch having coffee with another man. His eyes begin to water as a display of dominance. He'll almost certainly go home and write about this in his diary."

Guys, don't be mean.

[youtube]28tzfLdXInI[/youtube]

Holy fuck that voice is forever seared into my brain.

Srsly afro, there's having a joke, and then there's just being a douche.

Long ago, Afro perfected the art of blending the two :lol:

Hi, welcome to 442.

:lol: