not true...got a gobbie last night

It's like when a Uni student tries to write an Onion article. The intent is there but the execution was weak.

Delet this

Female-on-male and male-on-male oral sex will be banned in New South Wales from July 1 next year, with Premier Mike Baird saying the “widespread and systemic flagrance of sexual activity outside of wedlock” cannot be tolerated by the State Government and police force.

Mr Baird and his close friend, NSW Police Chief Scipione, have been outspoken opponents to both blow jobs and hand jobs for many years now. Baird says it comes down to their wholesome involvement in the Hillsong Church.

“You don’t need alcohol to have fun, our lock out laws have proven this. Plenty of young people have found other ways to spend their time.”

“The same goes for blowjobs. We do not need blowjobs to show love for one another… There are plenty of other ways. Like marriage, or buying a home together – these are things that we have had instilled into us by the church,”

Key points:
NSW becomes first state in Australia to ban blowjobs
Mike Baird says the Government was left with “no acceptable course of action except to ban blowjobs
Detailed plans for the shutdown will be developed with consultation
It comes after a special commission of inquiry found overwhelming evidence of young people giving blowjobs as though they aren’t as intimate as “normal s.e.x”.

In announcing his reasons for the ban, Mr Baird said the inquiry found that young people were overlooking the sanctity of marriage by just “giving each other a bit of head” and says this kind of behaviour undermines any spiritual bond between two people.

“Marriage has worked out well for me, under the watchful eye of God,”

“I just hope that everyone else can experience that kind of sensibility… We don’t need blowjobs,”

This announcement comes not even six months after over 15,000 young people marched through Sydney’s CBD against the staff cuts, venue shutdowns, a lack of personal freedom and lost opportunities for young musicians that have resulted from the State Government’s lock-out laws on licensed venues across New South Wales – and one week after he announced a statewide ban on greyhound racing.

“There has been a 45% decrease in blowjobs since I first announced these trials,” he said.

“I won’t be moved on these numbers.

“I am cool, progressive and funny… I take no pleasure in announcing these bans,”

“But even I know that blowjobs are damaging the fabric of our society”

Mike Baird is yet to announce whether or not blowjobs will be allowed inside Star City hotel rooms, but has stated that he does not want to interfere with any upcoming reviews of these new bans.