The seven stupidest ideas of World Cup 2010
* Michael Owen-Brown
* From: News Limited newspapers
AN event as big as the World Cup inevitably leads to some staggering examples of idiocy. Who could possibly have thought these ideas had merit?
BECKS FOR ENGLAND!
When things go pear-shaped for England (as, let's face it, they inevitably do), the cry rings out throughout the Mother Country's tabloids - blame Johnny Foreigner!
Yes, the obvious scapegoat wasn't the squad of obscenely wealthy English players crippled by a national phobia of success - it was Fabio Capello. A man who has won five Serie A titles with three different teams, two La Liga titles and the Champions League.
The Sun took this national bout of collective insanity to a new level of comedy genius by arguing David Beckham should be made England captain, on the basis that he seemed really upset when England was getting thrashed.
The next day, even The Sun realised it's probably a good idea for the England coach to be able to, you know, coach - so they instead called for the job to go to Sam "hoof it upfield, lad!" Allardyce. Thankfully, the FA for once kept its head and announced Capello would remain in the job.
FIFA'S LEGAL AMBUSH
The greatest threat to security at this World Cup wasn't terrorist cells or South Africa roaming criminal gangs - it was a bunch of attractive young women in orange dresses.
FIFA's security goons had already created 1km exclusion zones around stadiums to prevent South Africans from selling food and drink to tourists. No, all of the food and drink sales had to be funnelled through FIFA's official partners - African-based "mum and dad" small businesses such as McDonald's, Coca-Cola and Budweiser.
So when a couple of Dutch women led a convoy of fans wearing orange dresses towards a match, FIFA knew it had to act. Their dresses had a tiny label - barely visible unless you knew where to look - that said "Bavaria", a rival brewer to Budweiser. In lockstep with FIFA's demands for a crackdown on ambush marketing, what was the South African police force's proportionate, cool-headed response? To confiscate the ringleaders' passports, chuck them in jail and cause an international incident, of course!
EVERYONE LOVES THE VUVUZELA
There are two arguments relating to the vuvuzela.
The first is that it's a priceless part of Africa's cultural heritage, which has added immeasurably to the World Cup atmosphere and exemplifies the effusive joy of African football.
The other argument - the correct one - is that it's a hideous plastic instrument of torture that has done more to ruin this World Cup than anything else (except maybe the refs).
THE MUSINGS OF CRAIG FOSTER
Ahhh, Fozz. I remember when you used to play for the Socceroos. You weren't bad - although admittedly you also weren't that good. You come across nicely on SBS though. Your suits are always impeccable and your hair delightfully groomed.
Unfortunately, for a "chief football analyst" you have some pretty wacko ideas. Your demand that the FFA immediately sack Pim Verbeek because we were beaten by the best team in the tournament? With only 10 men on the park? And that the FFA create a panel of former Socceroos captains to interrogate the coach on his tactical plan before key games? Possibly not your finest hour, mate.
THE JABULANI BALL
A team of Adidas scientists created the official World Cup ball, the Jabulani, from eight thermally bonded, three-dimensional panels molded from ethylene-vinyl acetate and thermoplastic polyurethanes. Sounds awfully impressive, but pretty much every player and spectator hates it because it floats through the air like one of those $2 plastic beach balls you find in the cage outside BP servos.
Here's an outrageous idea - next time the World Cup rolls around, why not just use a normal soccer ball?
DEFENDERS OF THE FAITH
Is there anything more tedious than the internet flame wars between football fans and AFL/NRL supporters?
Yeah, we get it - some of you think soccer's a sport for mincing, limp-wristed pansies who wouldn't last five minutes in a real man's game. And some of you think anyone who doesn't like the beautiful game is a knuckle-dragging neanderthal unable to appreciate a sport of skill, style and subtlety.
Seriously, just grow up. There's room for more than one code of football in the world. If you don't like a sport, don't watch it. There's plenty of other people who feel differently.
THE ALL-SEEING EYE
In 1966, England won the World Cup after the ball bounced off the crossbar and the referee ruled it crossed the line. Forty-four years later, people still debate whether it was a goal.
In 2010, Frank Lampard equalised against Germany with a shot that bounced off the crossbar and at least 50cm over the line. Forget 44 years - within 44 seconds the entire world and everyone in the stadium could see it was one of worst refereeing howlers of all time.
Yet the ref could do nothing because football is pretty much the only major sport in the world where the governing body refuses to introduce video technology. FIFA's cadre of shrivelled old technophobes are turning the game billions love into a laughing stock.
http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/sport/world-cup-2010/the-seven-stupidest-ideas-of-world-cup-2010/story-fn4ke53k-1225888155314