When its serious people can be decent human beings

Most people. Those that can't I think are dealing with their own issues so it's best to ignore them...

Yeah true

advice for Salmon :
its ok to make mistakes in life...but the main thing is to learn from them.
no one is perfect...and whoever thinks or says they are perfect are full of shit.
even the celebs or sportspeople you see in the papers have their imperfections as well.

Edited by Socawho: 29/11/2015 09:47:01 AM

Can you please add ManRubzNTugz to your sig?

MvFCArsenal: Unfortunately I'm not close with any of my uncles and while my mum has done a great job picking up the slack that my father's left, a boy needs a father figure.

Draupnir: I've always thought my dad's a dickhead, but I've never considered that he's a narcissist. Wouldn't surprise me though. Either way, he's had an incredibly negative impact on my life and he's fucking toxic. One thing he did recently does seem a bit narcissistic. Dunno if I mentioned it here, but a couple days before my 16th I was at a sort of combined birthday party thing for my auntie, my cousin and myself. A couple of relatives (all on my fathers side) had written some little speeches for the three of us, my father included. Can't remember exactly what was in it, but the whole time I could only think of how far up his arse he reached to pull out the contents of that speech. Just a load of shit about how he loves me and is so proud of me and that he's looking forward to all the wonderful moments we'll have in the future. I know that he couldn't give a shit about either me or my brother and I'm positive the only thing we both agree on is that the less time we spend together, the better.

There's another thing that sticks out as something a narcissist might do. When I was born, my mum had a name picked out for me (which I currently use as my given name and will make it official as soon as I can change it, but it's my middle name on my birth certificate), but my dad absolutely refused to make it my name because a mate of his just named his son the same name (who the fuck cares?), so my mum compromised by making the name she picked out my middle name and gave me a different first name, which my dad teased me about when I was four.

If I do have kids, I want to become a much better dad than mine could've ever dreamed of being.

Also I know that most friends I make in high school will drift away after high school, but I still want to have some friends.

Worst thing is cause of all this shit, I have literally zero self-esteem or self-confidence and Humbert's right. I need to be validated by others constantly to feel good about myself and if someone doesn't like me, that just smashes any confidence and esteem I've gained to bits. I don't know how on Earth I'm going to fix that and I can see it damaging a lot of future friendships and relationships. No one has the energy to constantly let their mate or their boyfriend know that no, they don't find them boring/annoying/whatever and yes, they actually like/love them.

Holy shit is that notor

He's back!

Any advice?

Advice is and always will be to get professional help and learn to deal with your issues. It's not going to magically get better and go away, you have to make it better.

Also, that's not really what a narcissist is.

Will talk to my mum about seeing a GP because this is more than just awkwardness.

Also I guess it's not really narcissistic behaviour, but the first one's still pretty controlling behaviour and the second is just him bring an outright lying bastard trying to make himself look as good as possible.

Notor?

When the foz is in trouble, the prodigal sons return (scouse, notor)

I disagree, what he described is classic narcissist behaviour.

Edited by mcjules: 29/11/2015 09:48:32 PM

just when you thought is was safe behind the keyboard again:-" :-"

1: Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognised as superior without commensurate achievements).
4: Requires excessive admiration.
6: Is inter-personally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends.
7: Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognise or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
9: Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.

From what Salmon has said those all seem fairly obvious.

Not to mention these next ones that Salmon will probably confirm.

2: Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
5: Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations.

That's out of a checklist of 9 things in the DSM.

Edited by Draupnir: 30/11/2015 08:36:50 AM

This is good advice.

The Mrs. mum had a few issues growing up and never addressed them. They are seriously affecting her life and her daughters life. Her mum essentially finds problems with everything because she can't trust.

Salmon, see someone to help you help yourself. Seeing someone not deal with issues for 30 years and the affects on her life, it's in your best interests to deal with the issues before they control your life :)

100%. Like I said salmon, there's plenty of confidential places for youths.

dubbelz

Edited by Draupnir: 30/11/2015 11:34:07 AM

I disagree that any of those have been covered based on what salmon has said, but that's just my opinion, and obviously there's a lot more than just that. However, not everything is a mental illness, people can just be horrible because that's how they are.

So you actually think that #7, the lacking of empathy hasn't been shown even though he treats everyone like shit, then apologies (because he knows he treated them like shit - he's not oblivious and just a shit person), and then treats them like shit again? It's 100% clear cut.

That doesn't necessarily mean he's lacking in empathy and doesn't understand/care that he's causing pain to others. Abusive? Yes. But overall lacking in empathy? Not something I would say for sure based on the information presented. Like I said, just my opinion.

(Just want to make it clear that I do think he is abusive, manipulative and controlling. I'm not trying to defend his behaviour or say that it's okay or normal.)

I dunno if he's a narcissist, but he's certainly an arsehole and it's going to take me months, if not years, to get over the damage having him as a father has caused. Not just the the shit he has done, but the things that as a father he should've done but never did.

Like KiwiChick said mate, go see a professional. If you seriously need help finding one, I can help you find one fairly easily. Don't be afraid either. Way too many people don't wait until they're older, and are miserable for yeaaaars because they didn't deal with it ASAP. It's better to be shy and embarrassed (which you won't be when you actually get in there and realise that they are there to help you) when you're young than miserable for years on end.

If the behaviour isn't considered normal and is systematic then I don't see why it's not ok to call it a personality disorder. Mental illness is a bit of a loaded term and people instantly think certain things but giving something a label and understanding what it's all about is can really help when you have to deal with someone showing these traits. Of course this is where a professional is really helpful.

I would say it depends how pervasive it is in his life and how far from "normal" his behaviour is considered to be. Admittedly I know rather little about personality disorders, and even less about how they're diagnosed, so you might be right. I just don't think abusive people have to have some kind of mental illness to explain why they're abusive.
But if salmon does think that this is something that could be applicable to his dad (because obviously he's going to know this best), then learning about it and how to deal with it could certainly help him.



This. I didn't deal with my shit when it became a problem, and so it still is a problem. It sucks because it's not your fault that this has happened to you, yet you have to be the one to fix it.

Anyway, I think that's enough of my 2 cents.

I leave this place for 5 mins and every ones after salmon :lol:

I imagine this is what it's like to be popular.

Also KC it sucks to hear that your anxiety is still a problem, I hope you're getting help for it now, cause you're one of my favourite posters on FFT.

Much thanks to all my fans here.

Oh and Salmon:

- Start lifting
- Lose weight
- Get a proper skincare routine if you have acne

That's it. You'll gain more confidence and girls will flock to you.



Edited by 433: 30/11/2015 11:43:50 PM