Wgmg : a tradgedy hits and every person becomes an expert. But when an attack hits turkey last week none of the idiots said shit. Once again this place has gone to shit.

WGMG: The etiquette and behaviour of certain individuals at gymnasiums.

As a frequenter of my local fitness establishment I have noticed and experienced the horrifying, mortifying Dark Side of Exercise. The perpetrators of these heinous acts have probably been noticed by you fellow talking monkeys in your relative gym and/or gay club. They fall into the following categories:

- The Walking Tinder Profiles: You know them, you hate them. The painfully fit and proud-of-it crew who are apparently not privy to the concept of 'cool story bro' or body hair below the eyebrows or their carefully manicured facial hair. What shits me about these dicks on legs is the maddening obsession with working out in front of mirrors, or their tendency to work out in pairs or in groups. These tactics clearly work given their physique but good god almighty their egos and obsession with image has morphed their personalities directly into 'the c*nt zone'. To give examples: recently one of these walking veins was doing weights, staring at himself like he was about to face a gorilla in a knife-fight. A reasonably attractive woman began working next to him to which he began using much heavier weights resulting in heaves that sounded like he was trying to lift the GDP of Afghanistan purely by his own volition. Furthermore his apparent fuck-buddy or ecstasy dealer was egging him on and it sounded like two gorillas had just then in that moment discovered both voices and self-awareness.

- The Victims of Medusa: You've all been annoyed with them and most of us at some point have fallen into this stupor from time to time but fuck me drunk there are some bad eggs at the Uni ranch. They are the individuals who camp their ass on gym equipment and proceed to do nothing at all. They might indulge in some light gym work with a few reps and general movements but then they proceed to do a fine impression of my vanilla roommate. There is one particular chap: he deadset looks like Timothy Spall with alopecia. This fellow is my size but does little to no work at all anywhere in the gym and just my bleeding luck he uses the same machines I use! Not to pick on him but he is a repeat offender. Other notable entries to the Hall of Little Movement are to the majority of Chinese females who go to the gym. (Yes I used the word Chinese and I am singling them out so this is a disclaimer to any glass-jaws/cape-wearers who can't take a joke or entertain an observation). The amount of times I've seen Chinese girls do nothing but talk in groups right in the worst possible spot and then camp around a machine or a bike while ONE OF THEM does something boggles my already autistic mind. But fear not, they pale in comparison to the behaviour and consideration of their male counterparts.....

- The Return of He-Who-Shall-Not-Aim-Properly and (Possibly) His Friends: The man himself. The enigma. The light of the world and the coming of the sun. Just three days ago I inhabited the same environment with the man I thought would have collapsed in on himself by now. It was again a fascinating anthropological study to watch him in a new environment. He used the same machines as me, I was unsure if he recognised me and was continuing his creepy antics or if we are just simply quantumly entangled in a way neither of us are yet to comprehend. Either way it was fascinating watching him at the gym: he would become physically stiff when females were near and would walk oddly and slowly when the walking tinder profiles marched around him. His technique for lifting was off: he would lift and and then bring it down very quickly and would breath when the movement was done and then quickly go the cross-trainer where he stood on it looking at his phone and at the ass of any woman who could not see his finely chiseled appearance. This strange behavior and etiquette was not uncommon, many Chinese men have similar strange tendencies. For example there is one who stands in the doorway to the treadmill/cross-trainer room with 10kg weights at his feet but he just simply stands there playing games on his phone and when done doesn't put anything back for others to use. I've seen other spit on the floor like there's no problem, others who just butt in the line to use the drinking fountain and then not turn the water off and last but not least there is always the Bob Ross-esque smear of shit that remains after every use of the public toilets. (May I add I have met many lovely Chinese people, male and female, but I have noticed that the majority of those from China as opposed to those raised/spent much time here have been noticeably ruder and with much poorer hygiene and social consideration).

Shoutout to the yoga girls who block the hallway with their gym mats, stretching thingos, iPods, headphones, iPhones, towels, water bottles, several different varieties of dumbells, those giant rubber balls and their friend who does nothing but talk about how annoying lab work is.

Also shoutout to the same 5 dance songs that are played on repeat. I cannot fucking stand Frankie Sinatra anymore, it makes me want to punch a dolphin.

I'm gonna do a poo now and probably judge that too, laters

WGMG: the first time mum/friends on my Facebook wall that share every single fucking article on breastfeeding and empowering mothers.

Basically everything from mamamia as well ffs.

-PB

:lol: I DO NOT RECOMMEND MENTIONING ANYTHING TO THEM. THEY WILL BLOW UP

WGMG: the first time mum/friends on my Facebook wall that share every single fucking article on breastfeeding and empowering mothers.

Basically everything from mamamia as well ffs.

-PB

WGMG: People who see tattoos and talk shit or immediately act different around you because of them.

I, for one, love your tramp stamp.