How do I find this "thing"? I just want to be normal.



Fuck off.

When I was a kid, confused adolescents sent their questions in to Dolly magazine. Now they jump on FFT :lol:

Jeez, sorry.

:lol: well in

Hit up a country bar with a half gram of MD, smash down tequila and you'll find the "thing".

Failing that, give redtube a whirl.

Breaking the usual depression and stuff to say that mixed signals weren't so mixed and I am now no longer available. Sorry PB.

(Y)

:cool: a solid first month of nightly sex locked in, well in mate!




PS. KC, I was kidding, drugs are bad.

Edited by Eastern Glory: 27/5/2013 04:47:00 PM

I wasn't taking you seriously anyway. Plus, porn doesn't do anything for me.

Atta boy :d

:lol:

:lol: :lol:

Not saying it's bad or you should be sorry. Just making an observation.

Tbf I could write in to a magazine or something, but I doubt I'd get a response worth reading, so that'd just be a waste of my time. I don't have anyone that I'm comfortable talking about this kind of thing with, so I was hoping there was someone here asexual/with knowledge of asexuality so that I could feel at least a little bit understood.

You say that like there's a response on here worth reading :P

I have my doubts that you are actually asexual, as you've indicated in the past that you've found certain men attractive in various threads. I think the issue is you're just not sure what you're looking for.

Yeah, I've realised that asexuality is something that not a lot of people actually know exists, let alone understand.

I find heaps of males (and females) physically attractive, but that's not the same as sexual attraction.
The problem is that I've found what I'm looking for, but the feeling is still not there. I don't want to be asexual, I don't want to have no interest in sex, but I don't know how to change how I feel.

Aphrodisiacs. Eat a dozen oysters :lol:

:-&

I have a low sex drive, but having met and talked to an asexual identifying person through friends I know enough to know I am not asexual. I can't really help you out much, sexuality is a vast and thoroughly confusing minefield and it is near impossible for a layperson to adequately type a stranger. Best course of action is to have a chat to a counselor (as with any issue involving identity and headspace etc) if it bothers you or you feel you need clarity.

For me, personally, I enjoy sex more for the emotional and physical closeness to someone I care about more than the climax, which means I don't really think about sexual attractiveness much at all. Often it comes down to whoever my partner is wanting to be sexually involved, and I reciprocate. The act and idea of sex doesn't repulse me or anything- I do enjoy myself- it just doesn't shape how I personally interact with people.

Cheers for your reply :)

What do you feel differentiates you from an asexual person?

I'm not repulsed by sex, I just don't personally have an interest in it. Sex isn't really something I understand much, I don't know why it's such a big deal to people, I could probably go the rest of my life not having sex and I'd be fine with it - however I am interested in being in a relationship, and that kind of thing is likely to lead to guys not wanting to be in a relationship with me.

The key factor I found that differentiated me is that I still valued sex. I didn't actively seek it but I still found it important. The acquaintance who was identifying as asexual held no regard for sex, it wasn't something she wanted and she didn't want her partners to want it (which, sadly, has made her very lonely. It is hard enough finding someone you get on well with without throwing in no sex into the bargain.) She too wasn't repulsed it just did absolutely nothing for her and she didn't want to be involved with it.

If you think of sexuality as a concept (and I am going dangerously into oversimplification territory here) the vast majority of people consider a trinary homosexual, bisexual and heterosexual option set. The vast majority of those who are left over consider sexuality as a sliding scale that starts at 100% homosexual and transitions all the way to 100% heterosexual and that everyone exists somewhere on that scale.

Personally I think it is a lot more complicated than that, it is closer to a multi-dimensional plane that also incorporates gender identity, sex drive and other factors, and that we are never constant on this plane. We may orbit around a niche section but for some it can fluctuate wildly based on external factors. With that in mind I would probably occupy a space near the asexual spectrum but on the sexual side. Others may take a different opinion in my shoes! It is very hard to nail down.

And don't worry. Sex is not a big deal *at all* no matter what anyone tells you. There are always options. Be open with your partner if sex is something that you aren't interested in. There is no harm in explaining to someone that you find them very attractive but you can't see yourself as being sexual. Sure some people will hurt you, and wont understand not having a sex drive, they will take it personally and try and turn it on you and make you feel bad. Be strong and sure of yourself, someone who likes you for you will want to be with you regardless. If they are sexual, there are options- open relationships are perfectly fine and quite common in these situations (if both members of the relationship are comfortable of course.) Some people need sex, whether they are just sexual or hypersexual, and many couples have trusting systems where a partner is allowed to have sex with others as approved by their partner. Comfort and honesty is very important if you go this route though. There is always potential for resentment or fear of being left but a solid, healthy relationship can handle it.

Sorry this got long, it is a very big issue that is not entirely easy to adequately discuss in a forum post.

Thank you for all of that, the length doesn't matter - it was highly interesting to read. Sexuality is a very complicated and very personal concept.

To be perfectly honest, I don't think I'd be very happy to be with a guy who was sleeping with someone else, I just wouldn't feel like I was worth anything in the relationship. I'm kind of struggling to come to terms with this, coupled with being in a fantastic new relationship.

It certainly isn't for everyone, how you sit with relationships is something you have to discover for yourself. Bottom line is you have to be happy and comfortable in your relationship however it is structured. Be honest and open with your partner about how you feel, let them in on your insecurities. At the end of the day, if you are incompatible it is better to find out early on than try in vain to struggle through suffering in silence and eventually fall flat. Of course this isn't first date material, this is "Okay, I think we are are pretty serious now" territory, but don't think you should conform or that you are in any way more flawed than any of the rest of us. Everyone is unique and deserves their own brand of happiness.

Am I better off trying to find an asexual male who I like? Is that even a very realistic option?

I'm sure there are meetings for asexuals somewhere in your city. There are asexual dating sites. If nothing else it would give you something to think about.

What you are better off doing is vague and mysterious to you, it is night on indecipherable for a stranger :P

It boils down to: You don't know what fits you unless you test yourself. If you are happy with your current partner then keep at it and cross that bridge when you come to it! If you aren't, try something else! As afro said, there are groups for everything these days. Look around, be anonymous if you want (go to a support meeting under a pseudonym etc) and find some people who you feel are dealing or have dealt with the same things you are, sound them out for advice and see if that helps you find direction :)

*nigh

And well done, Confucious.

Haven't read the past few pages but are you a virgin? Quite a few girls never really have that drive for sex until the first time.. Then after that it is on for all money.

Benjo's ears just pricked up :lol:

Yes.... Ears.... :lol: