It improves the story immeasurably.

'Rubbery' piece of calamari turns out to be a condom

20th May 2014 10:17am | By Editor
When a diner in a restaurant found a particularly tough piece of calamari in her seafood meal, she removed it from her mouth to take a closer look - and discovered she'd been gnawing on a condom.

‘It was disgusting. My first horrific thought was: Is it used?’ Mai Liang told Metro.

Things then took an even more stomach-churning turn when the owner of the restaurant, Yi Ze Teng, who was convinced she was being swindled, decided to swallow the condom to end the matter.

She had accused the diners of popping the prophylactic into their food to blag a free meal.

However, even though Ms Ze Teng swallowed the condom, Ms Liang is speaking to a lawyer in a bid to get compensation.

http://www.tntdownunder.com/news/weird/rubbery-piece-of-calamari-turns-out-to-be-a-condom

That's just fucking disturbing. How does that even happen? Are staff leaving things uncovered in the walk-in?

Man arrested for having sex with a cash point AND a picnic table


Tuesday 20 May 2014 12:35 pm

A 49-year-old man was arrested in Tennessee after attempting an unorthodox transaction with a cash machine.

According to WKRN, Lonnie Hutton walked into a local bar in Murfreesboro, removed his trousers, and then proceeded to have sex with the bar’s ATM.

Somehow, Hutton managed to successfully make a withdrawal. Responding officers found him walking around the bar, no longer engaged with the ATM.

Sadly, he had clearly failed to complete his deposit, as he continued to thrust his hips while naked from the waist down.

After securing Hutton, the police escorted him outside and told him to sit on a nearby picnic table. His lust for inanimate objects proving insatiable, he quickly began to have sex with his new-found seat.

The jilted Romeo was snatched from his latest flame and arrested for public intoxication.

His bail was set at $250, meaning the next sweet nothing whispered by his lover may be, ‘insufficient funds’.

http://metro.co.uk/2014/05/20/man-arrested-for-having-sex-with-a-cash-point-and-a-picnic-table-4733835/

7 bizarre sex stories that you couldn’t even make up


Tuesday 20 May 2014 12:09 pm

Amid disturbing reports about a US man who allegedly tried to have sex with an ATM, before trying his luck with a wooden picnic table, Metro takes a look at other bizarre sex stories that you just couldn’t make up.

7. The guy who tried to have sex with a drinks trolley

Andrew Davidson, 25, had consumed a cocktail of legal highs and alcohol when he attempted to have sex with a drinks trolley on a busy train in 2013.

He was seen humping the trolley while shouting ‘I want to kiss you, I want to f*** you’.

After avoiding a prison sentence, his solicitor said: ‘It is something that has never happened before and is unlikely to ever happen again.’

6. The guy who ‘tried to have sex with an ambulance’

Another 25-year-old man was arrested after setting fire to a packet of peanuts before appearing ‘to try and make love to an ambulance’.

A court heard the man was in ‘relatively high spirits’ on a night out in Barnstaple, Devon, in 2011.

He was given a community order and told to pay a victim surcharge of £60.

5. The guy who tried to have sex with a car wash vacuum

In 2008, a US man was arrested for ‘receiving sexual favours from a vacuum’ at a car wash in Michigan.

A witness, who saw the man acting suspiciously, said: ‘I’ve seen some strange things, but this is the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard.’

4. The vicar hospitalised with a potato up his bum

A clumsy vicar was hospitalised in Sheffield after accidentally getting a potato stuck up his bum, but it was definitely not due to a sex game.

Nurse Trudi Watson said: ‘He explained to me, quite sincerely, he had been hanging curtains naked in the kitchen when he fell backwards on to the kitchen table and on to a potato.’

3. The guy who had sex with his girlfriend’s dog

A teenager avoided jail after filming himself having sex with his girlfriend’s pet dog called Rudi.

Wayne Bryson’s girlfriend found the shocking footage on his mobile phone. A court heard it ‘was 30 seconds of madness’.

2. The guy who tried to have sex with sheep after a cow turned him down

An IT worker tried to have sex with a sheep after a cow turned him down.

The court heard: ‘He did not successfully penetrate the mouth of a cow with his penis and he then moved to another part of the field and tried his luck with some sheep.’

1. The guy who likes cheese a bit too much


This guy likes to drive around his neighbourhood and offer women money to put cheese on his genitals (allegedly).

Chris Pagano, dubbed the Swiss cheese pervert, was arrested after police released a photo of a trouserless man dangling a slice of the smelly stuff in the air.

http://metro.co.uk/2014/05/20/bizarre-sex-stories-7-strange-sex-incidents-you-couldnt-make-up-4734035/

"Portnoy's Complaint" - way before any of this stuff.

Things you’d never want to confess to your mum, no 456: Police officer gets caught masturbating in Starbucks coffee shop

Matt Payton Sunday 25 May 2014 3:12 pm

There’s a lot in Starbucks to get a guy excited. I mean, who doesn’t get a little frisson at the return of the Christmas cups, the first pumpkin latte of the year or a nice bit of chocolate tiffin?

We have all been there. But one off-duty cop who felt the urge in Starbucks took it to the next level – and gave baristas more than they bargained for – when he touched himself in public.

New Jersey Police Lieutenant Benito Gonzales Jr was caught by Starbucks staff with his shorts down, pleasuring himself under a table.

Embarrassingly for Gonzales, police circulated his image in the hope of identifying the then-unknown flasher.

Prior to his suspension, the 17-year veteran police officer was commanding a small narcotics unit.

According to his department’s website, he was given an award in October for meritorious service to the police.

Gonzales’ boss, Camden County Police Chief, Scott Thomson, said the police officer had been ‘removed from duty’ and that the department was ‘deeply troubled by the allegations of this off-duty conduct.’

He is currently being investigated under a charge of cwith a court hearing due on June 4.

http://metro.co.uk/2014/05/25/things-youd-never-want-to-confess-to-your-mum-no-456-police-officer-gets-caught-masturbating-in-starbucks-coffee-shop-4739509/

Naked man hit by car after dodging traffic and pretending to be a dog


Friday 30 May 2014 3:15 pm

Police have appealed to the public to help them identify a man who was run over after appearing on a busy road in just his socks and acting like a dog.

The man was taken to hospital in Brno, a city in the south-eastern part of the Czech Republic, after being knocked over by a driver who had not seen him because he was on all fours and weaving in and out of moving traffic.

A witness told local TV:

‘The man ran out of a forest on all fours, wearing only socks.

‘He was growling and barking, and making out as if he was going to try and bite the car tyres,’ he said.

‘He even lifted his leg to wee on one car as it pulled to a stop, and barked at the owner when he got out of the car to complain.’

A police spokesperson said when they found the semi-naked man at the scene he was ‘whimpering’.


(Picture: CEN)The man is now in an artificial coma (Picture: CEN)
‘When police arrived after complaints about a traffic disturbance he had already been hit by a car and run over,’ said Pavel Svab.

The man, who is now in an artificial coma, had no form of identification because he was only wearing socks.

Police have asked anyone who recognises the man from the pictures to contact them.

http://metro.co.uk/2014/05/30/naked-man-hit-by-car-after-dodging-traffic-and-pretending-to-be-a-dog-4745182/

Man with cow manure fetish jailed for five years

David Truscott threatened to kill a farming family after they tried to stop him from laying naked in cow slurry on their land

Friday 30 May 2014


A man with a fetish for rolling naked in cow manure has been sentenced to five years in jail after he threatened to kill a family when they tried to stop him from targeting their farm.

43-year-old David Truscott had developed an obsession with Woodbury House Farm in Redruth, Cornwall, and repeatedly targeted the land over an eight-year period.

Initially removing cow pats from the farm, Truscott’s behaviour escalated when he began entering the farm to masturbate while “wallowing” in slurry, Judge Philip Wassall told the court on Friday.

When farmers Clive and Jackie Roth attempted to prevent his actions by erecting bollards and removing slurry from their fields, he began to take revenge.

Truscott repeatedly set fire to their shed, tractor, enclosures and hay - killing a calf in one blaze, and was subsequently jailed in 2005, 2009, and 2011.

In September 2009, he received a 16-week sentence after he stripped naked in the cattle pen, released the cattle and climbed into the slurry spreader.

On his release, Truscott returned to the farm and sat naked in cow faeces, and was jailed for a further 20 weeks.

David Truscott who has cow slurry fetish David Truscott who has cow slurry fetish
Last year, he admitted making threats to kill the Roth family and damage their property.

Prosecuting, Eleanor Purkis said: “The defendant has a fetish in relation to animal faeces.”

His last offence was in June last year, when Truscott told support workers he wanted to "get revenge" on Mrs Roth and her 17-year-old son, said Ms Purkis.

"He said 'I will buy a car with the £2,500 I have in my wardrobe and I will drive to Cornwall. I will kidnap them and I will burn them," Ms Purkis said.

Truscott was described as ”joyful“ while describing his revenge as he played with lighters, Ms Purkis said.

In a police interview, Mrs Roth said Truscott's offences had affected the family business financially.

"She feels the place is no longer clean in relation to the sexual acts being carried out,“ Ms Purkis said.

On Friday he was handed an extended sentence of 10 years following psychiatric reports.

Truscott, who has autism spectrum disorder, will spend the first five years of his prison sentence receiving hospital treatment, and will serve an extended licence period of five years on release from prison.

The judge also imposed an extended restraining order to keep him from the farm.

Representing Truscott, Robin Smith said: "Clearly, he is a complex and troubled character."

Members of the Roth family, who attended court, did not wish to comment following the hearing.

Additional reporting by PA
http://www.newsnow.co.uk/h/?JavaScript=1&lang=&search=man+jailed+cow

Joffa, you really have way too much free time on your hands. You need to find yourself a hobby. One other than trawling through the interwebz looking for fucked up news articles. :lol:

Air rage no more: airline scraps reclining seats after passenger rows

Saturday 31 May 2014

An airline is to do away with reclining seats, which it says will give passengers more space.

Monarch said its "newly designed non-reclining ergonomic aircraft seats" will also reduce fuel emissions because of the amount of weight they will save, while it is also hoped the move will bring an end to disagreements caused by passengers leaning back towards those behind them.


The announcement follows a survey by flight comparison website skyscanner, which found 91% of those asked wanted to see reclining seats on short haul flights either abolished or used only at set times.

Its poll last October also found that more than half of the 1,000 people questioned thought they should be restricted to set times on long-haul flights, with almost a third saying a reclined seat had caused them discomfort in the past.

A separate survey found that more than 60% of international cabin crew asked said they had been involved in or witness to an argument between passengers over reclining seats.

Monarch said that as well as giving passengers more legroom, the new thinner seats will also feature a tablet holder.

The airline said that when compared with a set of its existing seats, a set of new seats on a flight to Egypt saves 255kg fuel, equivalent to 816kg of carbon dioxide on a single flight.

Monarch's director of customer experience and marketing, Tim Williamson, said: "Our new ergonomic seats have been designed with our customers' needs in the forefront of our minds. The new non-reclining design gives our customers far more 'living space' than traditional seats, without the fear of the person in front impinging on their personal space.

"We noted from customer feedback that seat storage is particularly important. The new seats offer more flexibility than traditional 'pockets,' using the concept of the bungee cord the storage area can now comfortably fit water bottles, jackets and even kids' toys. The innovative tablet holder also enables our customers to create their own personal in-flight entertainment system."

http://www.heraldscotland.com/news/transport/air-rage-no-more-airline-scraps-reclining-seats-after-passenger-rows.1401522684

[youtube]YCTgcZ6ImsQ[/youtube]

Seven people die trying to get 75 cents from well in Banteay Srey Cambodia

Ian Horswill •
News Corp Australia •
June 02, 2014 1:51PM

SEVEN people have died in a five-metre deep well after a man attempted to retrieve the equivalent of 75 cents he accidentally dropped into it.

Tuy Chin, 50, had gone to collect water from the well in the Romchek commune in Banteau Srei district, Siem Reap province in Cambodia and saw his cigarette lighter and 3,000 riel (about 75 cents) fall to the well’s bottom.

JANE UPTON: What life in Cambodia is really like

HEROIN SMUGGER: Australian woman jailed for 27 years

Chin decided to go into the well to retrieve his belongings.

“He put the ladder into the well and climbed down to get his lighter. But he could not find the money so he climbed back out without removing the ladder,” Captain Muy Norn, acting police chief of Banteay Srei district, told The Phnom Penh Post.

When he got home, Chin told his teenage daughter that he had lost the money in the well, not thinking that his children would try to retrieve it.

But later that day, Chin’s 11-year-old son climbed down into the well and died due to the low level of oxygen in the concrete well.

His 13-year-old sister then climbed down to find her brother but also died at the bottom.

A 15-year-old sister then followed and she also perished.

When Chin’s neighbours heard what had happened they also climbed down to try and help.

Four neighbours died and a fifth person is in a serious condition in hospital.

According to scientists when oxygen levels fall to between four and six per cent, humans lapse into a coma within 40 seconds, followed by convulsions before respiration ceases. Oxygen levels above ground are normally about 21 per cent.

“The health officials said that the well has less oxygen in the evening, which is what caused those seven people to die. But it has more oxygen in the morning, and that’s why the children’s father was fine when he went down,” Captain Norn said.

Che Chhan, 30, a sister of the three siblings who died in the well, blamed her family’s poverty for the tragedy.

“My 11-year-old brother knew that my father had lost 3,000 riel in the well and he wanted to get it back, without thinking it would be dangerous. And now so many people have died like this.

“I wanted to blame my father, because if he did not tell them about the money, they would not have died. But it’s over now. They would not come back if I blamed my father … but the villagers blame my father and say he was careless.”

The Chin family — they had 13 siblings before the tragedy on Saturday night — will destroy the well, she said.

The seven dead have been named as Che Oun, 11; Che Chea, 13; Chea Ratana, 15; Hay Chandy, 12; Hay Sangda, 22; Peat Poung, 35; and Toy Team, 27.

http://www.townsvillebulletin.com.au/news/world/seven-people-die-trying-to-get-75-cents-from-well-in-banteay-srey-cambodia/story-fnjbobeg-1226940159375

Antique book is bound in human skin, Harvard University confirms

Harvard University scientists have confirmed a 19th Century French treatise in its libraries is bound in human skin.

Arsene Houssaye's Des destinees de l'ame (On the destiny of the soul) is part of the antique book collection of the university's Houghton Library, which specialises in rare and antique works.

Harvard conservators and scientists used several methods to test the origin of the book binding material, using microscopic samples.

Through these tests, they were able to exclude the possibility that the book cover was made from the skin of a goat, a sheep or another animal.

"They are 99 per cent confident that the binding is of human origin," said a post on the library's blog, citing senior rare book conservator Alan Puglia.

The conclusions confirm the veracity of a handwritten note in French found in the book, which said the book was bound "in human skin parchment".

"By looking carefully, you easily distinguish the pores of the skin," added the note, written by a doctor who was a friend of Houssaye, who lived 1815-1896.

"A book about the human soul deserved to have a human covering," explained the doctor, Ludovic Bouland.

Dr Bouland said the skin was taken from the back of a woman who suffered from mental illness and had died of a heart attack.

The doctor said he had another book bound in human skin in his personal collection that was tanned with sumac.

Harvard said Des destinees de l'ame was the only book in its collection bound in human flesh.

However, the practice, called anthropodermic bibliopegy, was once somewhat common, the university said.

"There are many accounts of similar occurrences in the 19th Century, in which the bodies of executed criminals were donated to science, and the skins given to tanners and bookbinders," the library's blog entry said.

Two other books thought to be bound in human skin, from Harvard's law library and its medical library, were also analysed, but the tests revealed the binding was sheepskin.

AFP
http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-06-07/harvard-confirms-antique-book-is-bound-in-human-skin/5507866

School coversation sparked incest raid

ninemsn staff

5:34am June 12, 2014

"My sister is pregnant and we don't know which of my brothers is the father."

This comment from one pupil to another at a southern NSW high school was overheard by a teacher and passed on to authorities, triggering a raid on a family farm that uncovered one of Australia's most disturbing cases of incest and sexual abuse.

The detail was revealed yesterday in Sydney's Parramatta Local Court as two members of the extended family living on the farm were ordered to have DNA tests, the Daily Telegraph reports.

The isolated farm was raided in mid-2012 by police and child protection workers, who found a group of 38 adults and children living in filthy caravans and tin sheds without electricity, running water or any plumbing.

They were the result of four generations from grandparents who were brother and sister.

Twelve children ranging in age from five to 16 were removed from the farm.

Police continue to investigate the family, known by the pseudonym Colt, for charges of rape and sexual assaults.

The court was told that 29-year-old Tammy Colt, a pseudonym for the sister referenced in the school conversation, gave birth to a baby who died within two months from a fatal genetic disorder known as Zellweger Syndrome, the Telegraph reports.

Genetic tests confirmed the disease existed as a result of incest.

The father was not named on the birth certificate but Tammy reportedly has since told counsellors she had been having a relationship with a younger brother for three years.

Sally's mother Betty Colt appeared yesterday in Moss Vale Local Court where her case was adjourned until August 18.

Source: Daily Telegraph

Read more at http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/2014/06/12/05/34/school-conversation-sparked-incest-raid#8lF59E6X8uvJOCzV.99

Teenagers ‘fell from balcony of London apartment block while having sex’

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/world/teenagers-fell-from-balcony-of-london-apartment-block-while-having-sex/story-fni0xs63-1226951597251

Going out with a bang.

Have sex on a balcony railing, there's the root of the problem right there.

Life on the edge.

http://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/2014/11/24/boy-fake-gun-dies-after-being-shot



What was the boy thinking? So stupid.

You're not wrong, forgot that thread existed.

Sorry, but I had to post this tremendously hilarious overt piece of propaganda. Its just too beautiful. lol

http://www.news.com.au/sport/football/footballs-weekend-of-disgrace/story-fndkzvnd-1227322725848