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LFC.
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haha ! Not a joke a card I saw the other day FOOTBALL Keeping Dads away from household chores since the game kicked off !
Love Football
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Monoethnic Social Club
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Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench when a flasher came up and pulled his trench coat open.
The first woman had a stroke
the second woman had a stroke
the third women ... couldn't quite reach :)
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petszk
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Argentina is surprisingly cold. In fact - it's bordering on Chile! ***************************************** Me: The punchline comes before the question Person: What? Me: What's the worst thing about time travelling jokes? ***************************************** The doctor tells me I can play with myself whenever I like. My wife says that's not what he means by 'you could have a stroke at any moment' ***************************************** I was asked if I knew what my ringtone was. I say that I've never looked, but I assume it's brown. ***************************************** I got in touch with my inner self today. That's what I get for buying cheap toilet paper ***************************************** I spent $1000 renting a limo, and didn't ever get a driver! I can't believe I spent to much and have nothing to chauffeur it! ***************************************** A man was seeing his doctor. The doctor said 'I have some good news and some bad news'. "What's the bad news? "Your wife has syphilis" "Jeez! What could possibly be the good news?" "She didn't get it from you" ***************************************** During my checkup I asked the doctor "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life?" He replied "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now". I said "I don't believe in any of that astrology crap!" He replied "Me neither. But my thermometer just broke in your arse!"
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StiflersMom
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Group: Moderators
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I just asked my son where he see's himself in 3 years time?
he replied, Sorry, I don't have twenty twenty vision.
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StiflersMom
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Group: Moderators
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Some ordinary ones I found, nearly dad joke material but hey, you guys are coming up with any so here goes
Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: 'Nothing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband: 'I was looking for the expiry date.'
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Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife: 'Yes or No.'
____________________________________
Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
________________________________________
A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, no matter WHO left you a fortune!'
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Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning..'
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A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humour!'
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A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.'What was that for?' the man asked.The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'.The man then said 'When I was at the races last week and Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on.'The wife apologized and went on with the housework.Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.Upon regaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.Wife replied: 'Your Horse phoned!!!'
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T-UNIT
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Group: Forum Members
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I almost had a threesome last night, I just needed 2 more people.
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Heineken
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What do you call a Dothraki riding a squid? [spoiler]Khalamari[/spoiler]
WOLLONGONG WOLVES FOR A-LEAGUE EXPANSION!
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Slobodan Drauposevic
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salmonfc wrote:My mate lost his virginity to a teacher, which would've been really cool if he wasn't homeschooled. SWIM yeah?
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salmonfc
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My mate lost his virginity to a teacher, which would've been really cool if he wasn't homeschooled.
For the first time, but certainly not the last, I began to believe that Arsenals moods and fortunes somehow reflected my own. - Hornby
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Slobodan Drauposevic
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Andrew Hoole.
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salmonfc
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The other day, my friend told me that she thinks I have Asperger syndrome. I couldn't tell if she was joking, or being serious, or happy, or sad, or angry, or frustrated, or...
For the first time, but certainly not the last, I began to believe that Arsenals moods and fortunes somehow reflected my own. - Hornby
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T-UNIT
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Group: Forum Members
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Why cant you fool an aborted foetus?
Because it wasnt born yesterday.
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T-UNIT
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11.mvfc.11 wrote:T-UNIT wrote:11.mvfc.11 wrote:If Caitlyn Jenner was a superhero she'd be one of the ex-men. It could also be a trans-former. You saw the same joke I did on facebook/twitter then :lol: I left the transformer bit out because they aren't superheroes :lol: Yea thats where I saw it.
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paladisious
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Group: Moderators
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T-UNIT wrote:11.mvfc.11 wrote:If Caitlyn Jenner was a superhero she'd be one of the ex-men. It could also be a trans-former. =d> :lol:
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T-UNIT
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11.mvfc.11 wrote:If Caitlyn Jenner was a superhero she'd be one of the ex-men. It could also be a trans-former.
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Heineken
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Group: Forum Members
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salmonfc wrote:My favourite sex position is the JFK.
I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car. Coming from a bloke who'd struggle to get through missionary...:lol:
WOLLONGONG WOLVES FOR A-LEAGUE EXPANSION!
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salmonfc
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Group: Forum Members
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My favourite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.
For the first time, but certainly not the last, I began to believe that Arsenals moods and fortunes somehow reflected my own. - Hornby
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Slobodan Drauposevic
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Group: Forum Members
Posts: 14K,
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T-UNIT wrote:Not sure if Brendan Fraser or Mark Bosnich. :lol: :-k Holy shit :lol: At first it's clearly Brendan.... then during the laugh and actions it's clearly Bosnich :lol:
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T-UNIT
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Group: Forum Members
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Not sure if Brendan Fraser or Mark Bosnich. :lol: :-k
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Slobodan Drauposevic
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Pyramid Timmy
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Maybe you could organise a walkout in support of your banned brethren ?
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Glenn - A-league Mad
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paulbagzFC
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vincenzogold
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Sydney FC
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salmonfc
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Cityslicker10 wrote:salmonfc wrote:I introduced my black girlfriend to my grandfather, who's hard of hearing and a bit old fashioned, for the first time.
I said to him "Granddad, she's Annika".
He responded "Yes, I can see that". Racist. I know, I'm so disappointed and angry with my granddad.
For the first time, but certainly not the last, I began to believe that Arsenals moods and fortunes somehow reflected my own. - Hornby
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Cityslicker10
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salmonfc wrote:I introduced my black girlfriend to my grandfather, who's hard of hearing and a bit old fashioned, for the first time.
I said to him "Granddad, she's Annika".
He responded "Yes, I can see that". Racist.
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salmonfc
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Group: Forum Members
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I introduced my black girlfriend to my grandfather, who's hard of hearing and a bit old fashioned, for the first time. I said to him "Granddad, she's Annika". He responded "Yes, I can see that".
For the first time, but certainly not the last, I began to believe that Arsenals moods and fortunes somehow reflected my own. - Hornby
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scotty21
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scotty21
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MrBrisbane wrote:I was shagging this bird over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open.
She said, "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!"
. . .Laying here in hospital, and thinking back on it, I really should have gotten the hell outta there instead –
but you don't get an offer like that every day. LOL
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T-UNIT
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Group: Forum Members
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StiflersMom wrote:Heineken wrote:Why did Princess Diana cross the road.
[spoiler]Because she wasn't wearing her seatbelt[/spoiler]
You know what Diana stands for yeah?
[spoiler]Died in a nasty accident[/spoiler]
What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?
[spoiler]Thomas made it through the tunnel[/spoiler] its an oldie but Whats the last thing that went through Diana's mind ?  Another answer would be the dashboard.
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