I see what you did there......

Ah, the things that batter.

I went to see a Muslim tribute band last night at a Mosque in Lakemba!
The band was called "Bomb Jovi".
I thought they were brilliant. They did songs like “Losing my head over you”, “Rocket Launcher Man”, “You’re 6 You’re beautiful, and you’re mine”
Their last song "Living on a Prayer Mat" almost brought the house down.
Then this Muslim bloke started bragging about how he had the entire Koran on DVD.
I was interested so I asked him, "Can you burn me a copy?"
Well that was when the fight started...

Islam is a joke.

No idea if this'll make sense on this platform....

What's the difference between a piano, a tuna, and glue?
You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

Mate you deserve an uppercut for that one :lol: Love it :lol:

Source: Heineken via facebook. ;)

I genuinely don't get it.

Q. What's the difference between a piano, a tuna, and glue?
A. You can tuna piano (tune a), but you can't piano a tuna.
Q. But what about the glue?
A. Ahh, I knew you'd get stuck there.

pv4 kinda did the joke wrong. :lol: People are meant to ask about the glue. :lol:

Also, heh? You put this on fb?

Heiny tried to ruin it, I've deleted his post, hopefully I was quick enough..



What part don't you understand?

Our little group chat. You were discussing dad jokes lol.

I saw his post :lol:

Edited by jlm8695: 26/8/2015 02:14:05 PM

CURSE YOU HEINY

For those that didn't see it..

I say the joke. Jlm/whoever you say it to says "I don't get it". You say "what part don't you get?". They say "how does the glue come into it?". You say "I thought you'd get stuck on the glue...............".

Then you #NedZelicBOOM multiples times.

Lol I was literally coming back into this thread to type "Where the fuck does the glue come into it?"

Why do chicks from Campbelltown wear underwear?

A: To keep there ankles warm in winter. :lol:

A girl came skipping home from school one day.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde," her mother replied.
The next day, the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, pumpkin, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?" "No, it's because you're 25."

Apparently a cinema in Adelaide is putting on a screening of the new James Bond film especially for dyslexics.

Respect.

I don't get it.

Spectre?

Now I get it! :lol:

Laughed at that more than I should have

A boy goes up to his father one day and says "Dad, what's the difference between potentially, and realistically?"

The father thinks for a moment, and replies "Go up to your mother, and ask her if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then go up to your older sister, and ask her if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Finally, go up to your older brother and ask him if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars".

So off the kid goes to find his mother in the kitchen. He asks her "Mum, would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"

"Of course I would!" she exclaimed. "That money would go long way in this family, we could renovate this house, and send all 3 of you kids off to University!" The boy nods, and wanders off to find his sister in the living room.

"Hey sis, would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" he asks her. Annoyed at being distracted from her phone, she looks up and says "Hell yeah I would!!! Brad Pitt is one of the sexiest men on this planet, I'd do him in a heartbeat, he could have his way with me, do whatever he wanted to me, for as long as he wanted!". The boy nods and trotters off to find his older brother doing weights in the garage.

"Hey bro, would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" he asks. The older brother puts down the dumb bells, takes his earphones out and ponders for a moment. "Sure, I guess" he replies. "A million bucks is a million bucks". The boy nods and walks away. He thinks about what he's learnt over the next few days and goes back to his father.

"Hi dad, I've asked my mum, sister and brother if they'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and I think I finally understand the difference between potentially and realistically. Potentially, we're sitting on three million dollars. Realistically, we're living with two sluts and a queer!".

What does anal and your first car have in common?

You don't want it but your dad gives it to you anyway :lol:

A rough upbringing for you, huh. :lol:

Where does a suicide bomber go when he dies?

Everywhere.

What do you call a good looking Arab?

Asif.

What does a womans arsehole and a 9 volt battery have in common?

[spoiler]You know its wrong but sooner or later your going to lick it.[/spoiler]

Edited by Heineken: 27/12/2015 05:00:18 AM

Why did Princess Diana cross the road.
[spoiler]Because she wasn't wearing her seatbelt[/spoiler]

You know what Diana stands for yeah?
[spoiler]Died in a nasty accident[/spoiler]

What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?
[spoiler]Thomas made it through the tunnel[/spoiler]