Have to agree with Afro, it does sound a lot like your not over this guy, no matter what you say.

You just would not be obsessing about this like you are if you didn't like him, you'd just be like "whatever, your a dick, go away"

Your still into him ...

This is the core of it. If you don't like a guy, it should be easy to walk away.

I know deep down I do still kind of like him, I've admitted that. However, there's a big difference between that, and wanting a relationship with him. We're just going to be friends.



Like I said, he's been through a lot lately, so I can't just tell him to piss off.

You really can.

What people forget quite often in this thread is that sometimes you have to stop trying to make everyone else happy and whatnot and look after #1.

I'm not overly concerned about what happens to me, looking after others is much easier.

I've been through this myself. It is damn near impossible to tell someone to piss off when you know they're going through hell.

But it's just going to end badly for you KC. If you're always there for him to vent his problems too, you'll end up feeling somewhat guilty, and of course you'll be spending more time with him so your feelings aren't going to help matters much, they'll make it harder and harder for you to say no.

Then what, he comes to you and says "I haven't had sex for 7 months", and you feel bad for him, and of course you now care too much about him to say no to his advances. Eventually he's got you knuckled into a less-than-serious relationship that you didn't want to get into in the first place. Then he leaves you for some other broad, and you're sat here upset wishing you never went through with it, that you had the courage to tell him to fuck off when you did, before it began.

If I were you I'd back out now. You don't have to tell him to fuck off, just say you're busy or some other alternative everytime he comes crying to you. If he's just going to use you as emotional support, he can get fucked.

I know that's so true, and I never should've texted him again in the first place.

"Look i'm sorry, I know your going through a lot right now, but you really hurt me when we were together and I just can't go there again, I hope you understand"

Really not that hard KC, no offence but it's pretty easy to see after reading your posts on this forum for a while now that you have some issues going on and I don't pretend to know or understand what they are, but what I do know is that your never going to get to a place were you are happy with your life until you start looking after yourself rather then worrying about whatever the fuck problems other people have! Let them sort their own shit out, while you sort YOUR shit out

Sorting my shit out will take a very very long time. Helping others isn't going to change that.

I'm just worried that either he'll try and kill himself again, or others will go after him.

I can't do nothing.

In my experience, the people who say they're going to kill themselves very rarely do. I've done that a few times when my judgement gets absolutely clouded as well, and sometimes I look back at those moments and think "okay, what the fuck was I thinking?"

If he's got issues, tell him to find someone else to unload it all. I know you're going to feel guilty, and perhaps thats what he wants.

It's not your problem. Say it with me now, it is not your problems.

I know he's tried before more than once, so I know he's capable of it.

He's got no one else, that's the thing.

Sorry everyone, people are probably getting really sick of reading this stuff.

Suicide threats are the tool of choice for those who seek to emotionally manipulate someone.

As for yourself, you'd be surprised how much taking on other people's problems can hold you back from addressing your own.

You realize that with all this he's got you backed in a corner right? You don't want anything to do with him, but you'll feel bad if you didn't do anything.

Trust me nobody ever has "no one else". It's just something that people say to manipulate who they view as the weak.

Essentially right now you're his puppet, so it's time to cut the strings. You'll be amazed at how free you suddenly feel.

Edited by AJohn: 17/1/2013 09:29:36 PM

KC, mate, if he really wanted to kill himself, he would have!

People who want to kill themselves are so single minded and determined, they plan it and are very calculated about it, they simply do NOT fail.

Anyone who has had "attempts" didn't actually want to do it, it was a cry for attention, nothing more.

People who actually do it do not talk about it, to anyone, that is why you normally hear people say things like "it was such a shock, no one saw it coming, its so out of the blue, its out of character" etc, they don't want anyone to know, they hide it from everyone.

If this guy is talking about killing himself, then you can pretty much guarantee that he won't do it.

My prediction is that he is a massive fuckstick and is trying to manipulate you emotionally, and he's pretty good at it by the looks of it. Sorry

As for the whole caring about other people thing, honestly I'm like that as well. I tend to jump at the chance to cheer someone up.

But in some situations, like what I imagine you're going through, when I have jumped at the chance, it's actually done me more harm than good, because I get trapped and put into a position I don't want to be in.

Don't get involved in his affairs again, I can not suggest that enough.

And I'm really sorry for being blunt, I know how stuck you're feeling right now. But you can either get out now while you still can, or feel terrible further down the line.

Again, obviously this isn't the case. When you're acting for yourself you only have to consider your own emotional response. Which you know.

Instead when you try and appease others you have to consider all their possibly emotional outcomes which is chewing you up inside which is why this is dragging out when it shouldn't and doesn't need to.

Okay, sorry guys, I'll stop talking about this. I promise he really is a decent guy, and the second I'm not comfortable with the situation, I'll be out of there.

Wondering if anyone can give me some advice on this, I'm really torn at the moment.

I first met this girl around 5 months ago, through my mate who was in a relationship with her. From the first moment I met her we got along really well, better than i have with any other girl before. As time went on, we basically became best friends, texting each other 24/7, calling each other all the time and spending a lot of time together. She then broke up with my mate, which wasn't a surprise to anyone really, he treated her like shit pretty much, it was bound to happen.

Time went on, we became closer and closer, and there was a real connection between us. We started to flirt and open up more, speak of how we love each other etc. We never went anywhere sexually though. I started to realise that I had genuine feelings about her, like I've never had before. Basically I realised that i'd fallen in love with her. It took me a while to build up the courage, but I eventually told her how I felt about her and that I wanted to take the next step. I honestly didn't know what her reaction would be. I just told her to tell me the truth. She told me she loved me and that she knew that I would treat her amazing, but that the timing wasn't right. She'd just ended a relationship, and she didn't want to tie herself down again soon. Also, I'm currently in year 12 completing my HSC and she has left school and is starting full time work this year, so we are in very different situations, although we are both 17. And the fact that she went out with my mate, she didn't want me to cop any abuse at school. But we ended up deciding we'd give it a go anyway.

A few of weeks went by, and i found myself having second thoughts about it. I realised just how tough it would be, and that a relationship right now isn't the best idea for either of us. We also became much more honest and judgemental of one another, and i basically found out that she wasn't the girl I thought she was, or the girl I wanted her to be. I always knew she got around a bit, which is fine, we're all different. But not to the extent that I know now. And also, being her best friend for so long, i knew things about her that a boyfriend probably shouldn't know. So I told her that I thought it wasn't a good idea. At first she was a bit offended and shocked, because she was the one who told me it wasn't a good idea in the first place. But we sorted it out, and we agreed to stay friends. We didn't rule anything out for the future though, we both said we could see us being together in the future, but now isn't the right time. Could be in 12 months, could be in 2 years, could be never. Who knows

So all was well, we were back to what we were before. Until one day I found out that she'd been sleeping with one of my best mates for a while now, like before and during when I told her I loved her and she said we'd give us a go, and she didn't tell me about it. I found out the hard way, and i lost my shit. I told her i now knew what was going on between them, and I got incredibly angry at her, like never before, i felt betrayed. We had a huge fight, and the last words i said to her face was "You will never see me again", and she stormed off, slamming the door behind her. And then I thought that was it, that was the end of us. I deleted her off facebook, deleted her number, pretty much got rid of everything I had of her. I honestly thought that was the end. I felt so hurt.

About a week went past, neither of us had spoken to each other since, but for some reason i felt the need to try and fix things. She'd been my best friend for the past 5 months, she was always there for me and I was always there for her. And i did miss her. So I texted her and we agreed to meet up and try and resolve things, which we did. She admitted that she should have told me the truth, and that I was right to be angry at her. She said it was just sex though, she had no intention on being with this guy whatsoever. And she said no matter what, she is not going to lose me, no matter how angry or upset I get at her in the future. So we've sorted things out, we both want to put this behind us and move on, but I still feel like she's fucked me over and that I need to get her out of my life. Am i being to soft on her? Thing is, I've never loved anyone the way that I love her. I care about her like you wouldn't believe. I would seriously do anything to make her happy. And I know she loves me as well. I'm really stuck right now

Btw, this isn't a troll or anything, I just created a new account because I didn't feel comfortable saying this on my normal account

Sounds like she's 'the one'

I reckon you need to let her go. It'll be best for you to put her out of your life, you're only going to get more confused and hurt by keeping her around. Sorry dude :(

I know it's kind of hypocritical of me to tell you to cut her out of your life, but that's my honest opinion on the matter. You're 17, you'll fall in love so many times, and you'll find someone who deserves that love, because it doesn't sound to me like she does.

I think you need to talk your own advice.

Meanwhile, Blinky, the way I read it you guys are clashing because you both want the same thing but don't know how to make it work. You either need to agree to go into it open minded and give it a crack. Or you need to fuck her off and move on with your life.

Blinky, I don't know if it's a particularly good idea, but i'd give it a crack, it sounds like too great a reward to just walk away without trying. Be prepared to walk away if all does not go well (I know, that's a bit of an ask, one can't just move straight on from something that traumatic), but just don't get yourself in a mindset where you have to succeed.

I have no idea how things can go in a situation where there has been such a big tear between the two, but i'd give it a crack.

Get out.

'Loving' somebody who has the opinion that just going out and fucking other guys is inconsequential and 'just sex' will never end well for you. She wont change. She'll keep doing it.

You love her, so staying friends isn't really an option is it? Unless you can just disassociate the other side of things, which is pretty much impossible.

Anyway, refer back to my first point :P

I know it's hard though. But that's my advice;.

I always need to take more of the advice that I give :lol: But I never do. I'm texting him right now and all is good :)

And I'm going to meet up with him :) Yay!

By the way Blinky, if you ever need someone to talk to (on that account or on your other one) I'm always here for you (or anyone else) xx

inb4 complaints about him at some point in the next fortnight.

I promise I'll try and keep it off the forums :lol: Though I bet you all just can't wait to have a chance to say "I told you so" when he inevitably screws me around.