Frank Fakeena.

Yeah thats not it.

EDIT: That was just a grumpy rant.

Edited by Eastern GLory: 23/10/2013 09:13:53 AM

I think that's the key word :lol:

Again, I was not involved!!!

Anyone have any thoughts/opinions/advice/personal experience on being in a FWB situation?

Yes.

I don't think you can pull it off (pun unintended)

Edited by notorganic: 29/10/2013 07:05:38 PM

I'm assuming you have plenty of reasons for feeling that way, and if the guy involved was anyone but the one that it is, you would probably be right on all counts. However, in this, it would be a much less messy and complicated situation than it currently is.

So you want a clean & uncomplicated FWB relationship with someone you currently have a messy & complicated relationship with?

It will not be clean and uncomplicated (I don't know if that's possible in any close relationship), but persisting with how things are at the moment is dangerous to us both, and completely ending things is simply not an option either of us want. Therefore, we've both decided that we would like to take a step back and tone down the emotional side of things, but still be able to enjoy the company of each other and the positives of what a relationship brings. Neither of us have interest in pursuing a relationship with a different person.
This is not a decision being made on an impulse, it is being considered as rationally as possible.

Emotion doesn't just turn off easily like that. In the very little actual experience that I have had with you (and heard of him), I don't think that either of you are mature or experienced enough to make it work in this nature. I don't say that glibly or cruelly, I'm just being as upfront with you as possible because I have noticed a tendency of some posters here to blow smoke up your arse simply because you're one of (if not the only) regular female posters here.

I also think that you ask for advice for the purpose of confirming your decision making and ignore any advice that runs contrary to what you want to here, so I'm sure that you're going to continue with this relationship and I wish you all the best with it.

I really do appreciate you being honest about it, and I do take what you say seriously. I can be an extremely emotional person, and I am definitely not experienced with relationships, with no personal experience with ones of this nature. Honestly, at the moment I don't feel like there is another option, so I'm willing to try anything to see if it will work.

How did the idea arise?

Possibly in tandem with arising of something else?

I can't remember how it was originally suggested, but things are rather volatile at the moment, and we both need to take a step back in order to help ourselves out. Breaking up does not work, and there are too many feelings there to purely be friends.

Why doesn't breaking up work?

Neither of us actually want to break up or not be involved with each other in any capacity. With things as unstable as they are, it would be extremely destructive in the short term. (For the record, both of us are working really hard to get better, this is not happening through lack of trying)

For the record, FWB can and does work for certain people who are compatible with said arrangements. Can even work when one or both are in other relationships, though it is highly dependant on the morals, maturity and stability of the individuals involved.

As someone who has had a FWB arrangement that worked, the key thing that makes it work is 100% candid and uncensored honesty. You need to be completely willing the accept the transient nature of the arrangement and be able to deal with the situation that the other person may decide they want to be in an exclusive relationship with someone else and the arrangement will have to end. The same must apply in reverse (ie: for your partner.) If anything changes regarding how you feel you need to be comfortable enough to tell your partner, and they you. You need to be able to handle your partner telling you something has changed about how they feel about it, and they you. You need to be honest with yourself about how you feel about open-style relationships such as FWBs, because if you are not completely comfortable with it, then it will affect you not only in the FWB arrangement but will cause guilt going into exclusive relationships after it.

You can't control all factors, but if you go both in knowing truthfully that you are able to emotionally handle a FWB relationship and trust each other then there is absolutely no reason why you can't make it work.

Going from a relationship to FWB is like trying to get the toothpaste back in the tube.

FWB can work fine if you're both friends who get drunk and horny and decide to mess around a bit or whatever. But once there's that emotional involvement in there you've broken the premise and it's near impossible for you to both go back to an emotionally neutral state of affairs.

If you guys are at a volatile point I'd recommend that you guys take some "time off", don't break up, just maybe spend a week or two apart.

On this occasion, I'm going to disagree with Afro. I don't buy into the 'break' thing. Never have and never will. I just don't see how's it's productive in the building of a relationship. To me it just seems like delaying the inevitable.

It's not that difficult, just needs precision with the tube.

Your lfe, your wants, if you want it, which it sounds like you do, go for it.

It's true what the say. absinthe absence makes the heart grow fonder. You can't miss a person if they're always up in your shit. A week apart often does people a world of good. The reason so many young couples break up after being so madly in love with each other is because they have to deal with each other's shit 24/7 and never have a break from each other.

Part of that is communication, but the other part is being able to say "hey, I need some time to myself or I'm going to stab you in the eye with this butter knife".

Edited by afromanGT: 29/10/2013 09:31:51 PM

Have to say I agree with Afro on this.

Relationship -> FWB is an easing of the intimacy, connection and (it must be said) commitment. That's may be good for the short term but for the long-term you really need to think of yourself first.

If you have personal issue then you simply have to prioritise yourself first. No two ways about it. Be friends, chat regularly etc etc but don't confuse the duty you have to yourself with the enjoyment of company you like/value. They must be mutually exclusive if you are to truly do justice to whatever personal concerns you have.

I wish you luck because I know it won't be an easy time.

Never understood a "break" fully either.

KC - what I think you'll find happens is you'll try to tone back the eemotions, all that stuff, and eventually one or both of you will become disinterested or awkward about it - and it'll be more stress filled and confusing than it's worth.

I'm a bit of an all or nothing kind of guy in terms of relationships, and always upfront - if you can't work it out as-is, it's probably not worth hanging around for.

I personally would break it off, spend time living life, and if something better hasn't transpired within 6 months I'd start reflectong on whether or not what you had actually is what you wanted. And if the person is unavailable at that time - maybe it wasn't meant to be

FWB = delayed train wrecks.

-PB

How old are you again, KC?

Bagz on the money.

Yeah.

Either ends in a relationship or one side getting severely burned.

It is why a lot of people get back together as well. Breaking up is often done on short term feelings and what 'seems like the best idea at the time'. Then in two weeks you go shit I actually didn't want that.

Can definitively say that your assertion is false, it may be the most likely outcome but it is not my lived experience.