It's awkward for you as a mutual friend and it sucks for A that he got rejected but he's got to realise that the girl is allowed to choose to go out with whoever she wants. If she wanted to be with him, she would be. B is probably being a shit bloke going after his friend's girl too but it's not his fault that she prefers him over A.

I don't recall suggesting that you tell anyone to ggf, but from your posts you clearly have a grasp on where the problem lies and you are still acting as an emotional crutch for A.

I don't understand why. The best friends help friends be the best possible person they can be.

It's easy for A to blame B and/or C. It's always easier to find fault in others than to turn inwards and reflect. Sometimes the home truth is the best truth, and IMO your role as his besty is to guide him to those truths.

So he's socially awkward, insecure, clingy, demanding and needy. None of these things are particularly attractive or endearing qualities in men, and he needs to know that he can take measures to better himself without losing touch with who he is.

C will likely do the same to B shortly, because it sounds like he shares many of A's qualities - hence the advice to get the friendship back on track by everyone walking away from C.

Of course, you can only lead a horse to water.

They're grown adults and making their own decisions. The more you get involved the more you can potentially be blamed for things hitting the skids. Or worse, you tell it like it is and they get mad at you for being 'that guy', whether you're right or not nobody really wants to hear that the person they're emotionally involved with is doing the wrong thing by them and as much as you can point out the seemingly obvious, leading a horse to water and making it drink are two very different things.

A good mate is someone who stays out of it and minds his own business and is there for emotional support when things come crashing down and that's all anyone can do. If they ask "what did I do wrong?" then there's plenty you can do but trying to behaviorally groom people in this scenario isn't going to end well for anyone.

So help me out with this one..

We have a little work crew that catches up outside of work once a month to once every two months. This is us workmates, plus partners (and where applicable, children). Pretty much everyone but Person B in my above scenario has a partner, so B usually gets pointed out as the 5th/7th/9th/however many we have there wheel. Always we bring up the conversation of how crazy it will be one day when B finds a partner and he'll have someone to bring to it.

Anyway, a few weeks back I said I would host the next social get together of work friends. There's a set list of people (including B) who are always invited to these things, no questions. I'm looking to organise it in the next couple of weeks. I overheard a couple of our crew talking to B yesterday, and saying "when we catchup next, you'll have to bring your new mrs!".

I know A won't be there, and hence won't cause any issues with him, but I'm pretty bummed at B right now and am trying to stay as neutral, yet as far away from, him as I can. I can't organise our work thing without B - he's still a big part of the group and me causing that kind of divide will only cause a split in ourwork group.

Am I meant to organise it, invite everyone including B, and facilitate his new girlfriend, C, and put on a brave face? And before you think it - B won't have the personal awareness to question to himself whether it's cool or not to bring C, he'll just do it.

Wouldn't not inviting B & C, or acting pissy around them throw any pretence of neutrality out the window?

And hence my predicament. How do I stay out of it all, how do I distance myself from it and be there as mates for everyone when it inevitably comes crashing down as C is a sloozy weirdo, when I keep getting dragged back in?

I can't not invite B, as it tears our work group apart and causes friction between B & I.
I can't invite B and be pissy with him and C, because same as above.
I can't invite B and put on a fake smile and encourage the relationship, as I don't agree with how it has come about and it is not being a very good friend to A at all as B be(excuse the pun)trayed him.
I can't not host this thing - it's part of our social network and I really do love catching up with everyone every month or two outside of work.

You're not validating the relationship by being in the same area as them.

I think you're overthinking it. At the end of the day, B doesn't need your approval for who he dates - no matter how poor a decision maker he is.

I'm not saying I need to approve it for him to be his own person and to be happy with himself. I'm saying I need to in some way approve it for me to invite him & her to my house, and to put food on the table for them.

Forget the tl;dr scenario and make it as simple as this..

You have two friends. One gets with a girl. The other goes behind his back to steal said girl, the original friend is devastated and reaches out to you for support. You have the new couple over to your house for dinner.

My ethical/moral alarms are going fxxxing wild here.

Tell em all to fark off.

If the chick is despo to go both of them then she is the common problem imo.

-PB

This is a different scenario than your tl;dr scenario because it's a group social setting with a group expectation that B will be bringing C. It's also a work function.

So, three things you can do.

1, You can continue to be an emotional crutch for A while simultaneously remaining neutral to the situation by allowing B to bring whoever he wants to your do.
2, You can get pissy and pull some strange kind of "it's none of my business, but I'm making it my business" moral stand and either tell B that C is not welcome, or that B himself is not welcome while he is seeing C. I th ink that you can see how that would play out.
3, You can go back to the source of the issue and tell both A and B that they are broskis and C is a bitch that has played them both, and that their friendship is worth more than the temporary attention of a skirt.

Personally, I would follow option 3,but I'm not your dad.

And this is why I like dating outside my friendship group.

That's the thing - A introduced her into it. It wasn't like they fought over a pre-existing friend.

So the advice I've gotten from this thread is:
- Stay well out of it
- Only get involved when they need support when they crash
- But get involved to tell them (particularly B) she's not worth it

Consistent advice there. Although I have less experience than most around here personally I prefer to stay out of it for the most part. Listening is fine, but I try not to do anything else. Otherwise I get tangled in shit I don't want to be involed in.

Sounds like someone is going to be upset no matter what you do.

You said yourself that you can't not invite them, and if A is a semi-reasonable person I'm sure they'll understand that. Alternatively you can just plead ignorance and tell them you had no idea.

So what did you do?

Nothing as of yet :lol:

I've been attempting to be neutral, and/or avoiding B altogether as much as I can. The other day I was sitting as my desk & B came up to me and said "so are we all good?". I acted coy, played slightly dumb, saying "what do you mean?" etc and he said "I'm assuming A has been talking smack about me to you because he needs to vent, I was just checking that nothing weird is happening between us" and I just replied with "I'm just staying out of it all, have barely thought about it and although A has vented to me, I'm trying to just stay the hell out of it and allow it to sort itself out".

The dude I had the hairbet with hit me up about when the pizza party would happen, I told him I'm working on it still. So I'm kind of delaying everything, just waiting to see if anything crazy happens in the meantime. There's a defininte unspoken tension around the place though, it'll come to a head eventually. I really just want to tell B that I think he was a fool to break the bro code & that she isn't worth it, but I told myself I'd stay out of it and I'm trying to do that and hope that the situation resolves itself before I "need" to step in.

I see how it is.

So I've got a bit of a conundrum here...

Person A was good friends with Person B, they have been for years and years, even lived together at one point. Anyway they both got to know Person C, a mutual friend's sibling, pretty well over that time and after a while Person B and Person C hooked up. Person A stayed friends with both of them but backed off despite still being secretly keen on Person C. After a while things get a bit funny between Person B and Person C and then it comes out that Person B cheated on Person C. They argue, break up, try and patch it up but you can't unscramble the egg and break up again.

In this time Person A and Person C start getting close again and secretly start sleeping together. They don't want Person B to find out and get upset because they're all still friends and Person B regularly talks about 'moving on' but it's obvious that Person B and Person C still have feelings for each other even though Person A and Person C have been sleeping together for the last month.

So forum...what do?

Which of these are you?

Just come back and we won't have to miss you.

Who says I have to be any of them? I'm not Person B if that's what you're thinking.

:lol:

If b and c are just fucking, don't see what the point in telling b is while b still has feelings for c and vice versa.

Does a still have feeling for c? Does c even have feelings for a or is this some sort of revenge for b cheating on c?

These are probably things you should find out before even thinking about saying anything.

If a and c are thinking this is a long term relationship and plan on staying close friends with b, b is going to find out eventually and it'll be better if a and c are the ones to break it to them rather than finding out another way which will make the situation 10 times worse than it has to be.

On the flip side, if a is worried about b and c getting back together and a really likes c and doesn't care too much for b, then it might be in a's best interest to cause a bit of conflict. Make b and c hate each other again bring up past history and get b out of the picture so c can just focus on a.

If that makes any sence to your situation, I hope I was helpful.

Have my own problem though.

Really georgeous British girl in my french class that I unfortunatly don't speak to much given how the class is layed out. I found out recently her friend catches the same train as me so I'm starting to speak to her friend more now.

Similar situation has happened before and it led to her friend liking me, essentially cockblocking me from getting further with the girl I want.

So how do I get this into my favour without my charm getting the wrong pussy wet? Was thinking of organising a french study group, but that seems like it could backfire with her not showing up and having some more one on one time with her friend. (Happened last time)

Or should I just grow a pair, ask the girl I like out for coffee and hope that while I haven't said anything more than a bit of small talk here and there, she might say yes?

On an unrelated topic, any french speakers on this forum? Got exams coming up and will probably have a few questions :)

>meet girl on weekend through mutual friend
> She adds me on FB get talking
>hit it off, get number
>she texts me while im at uni today studying, things going swimingly. Asks for my snapchat (hueheh)
>out of no during text convo goes 'Im off to my boys house ill talk to you tomorrow :)"
>wut

Bruuuuuutal.

Had a similar thing recently. Just one of those girls who's hot and knows it and loves the attention. Happy to keep you on a string and doesn't let you lose interest. Haha they're fun for a few weeks, until it sets in that you're getting nowhere :lol:

I always assume that you're the cuckold in any story you tell.

"Doesn't let you lose interest".

Wat.

I have never understood this about some men. They allow women to string them along like there's no tomorrow.

If you're not getting what you want, walk away. It's highly likely that once you walk away she will come running anyway.

Both A and B have feelings for C. And A and B are still mates. Standard triangle really.

I feel sorry for the mutual friend of A & B, sounds like all of his mates are taking turns ploughing his sister, that's gotta be awkward for him

FTFY.

Also; send her snaps of your junk.

-PB