I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.

More irony than a joke but still.

On Facebook:

Me: Still sick as, dunno if I can drive to Auckland for the NZFC [ASB Premiership] game tomorrow.

Mate: Just watch it on tv bro!

. . .

They'd have to giveup their entire professional careers though...

12 years is plenty of time to naturalise a bunch of Brazilians and Argentinians :lol:

Taht's what we'd have said about South Africa 12 years ago...

thats true. but we dont really see qatar changing that in 12 years

The only joke in this thread right now is you.

In all fairness, 12 years ago we would have been saying "South Africa? Fucking joke of a team."

now now....they played france :d










lets face it though, south africas team is much better than qatar.

:lol: :lol: :lol:
Deffinitely at home in this thread :lol:

Oh, was that another original post from Funky? Do you just have a list of three posts that you copy and paste or something? :roll:

No, no, I meant I don't get why that's still funny.

you can only see the same post on here twice in the space of a week before you start to get the fuck over it :roll:

The Australian Cricket Team are a joke. Hence it being in the Jokes Thread.

I don't get it.

=d> :lol:

Fixed.

Australian batters.

My girlfriend and I went to stay with her parents at the weekend, but her dad wouldn't let us sleep together. Which is a shame, because I fancy him.

I went for a job interview with the police. I thought I'd blown the observation test when they'd played this graphic video with 3 coppers giving this Indian a right bollocking, I was so violent I winced and dropped my coffee.
"Now, what can you tell me about what you've seen?" asked the inspector.
"I'm really sorry, but nothing much at all because I Was cleaning up the coffee."
"Good lad, you've got the job."

Gran's always up for a laugh, so for a bit of a practical joke, I put her walking stick just out of her reach...I can't believe she fell for it...

First off, this was from Facebook. Not really a joke but oh well.

Dad: Are you perving at my daughter?
Boyfriend: No Sir
Dad: Why not? Are you gay?

If the rumours are correct women have a certain 'spot' and if you hit this spot at exactly the right pace and angle it will turn her to jelly and you will be able to do anything you want to her.
It's called her chin.

It's great to hear that FIFA have decied the venue for this year's crufts dog show. I think Korea is a brilliant choice.

Hello and welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependednt, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y and c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.

A man wearing a balaclava bursts into a sperm bank with a shot gun.

'Open the fucking safe!' he yells at the girl behind the counter.

'But we're not a real bank' replies the girl. 'This is a sperm bank, we don't hold money'.

'Don't argue just open the safe or I'll blow your fucking head off!'

She obliges and opens the safe door.

'Take one of the bottles and drink it!'

'But it's full of sperm' the girl replies nervously.

'Don't argue, just drink it' he sayd.

She prises off the cap and gulps it down. 'Take out another one and drink it too!' he demands. The girl drinks another one.

Suddenly the guy pulls off the balaclava and to the girl's amazement it's her husband...

'Not that fucking difficult, is it?' he says

Hey, even South Africa managed to score at their home WC..

I think the odds would still be quite long.

Hey, you never know, they could draw New Zealand...

Qatar scoring.

Funny joke :d

I know we are all gutted about not hosting the World Cup, but at least we will get to see the Qatar national football team! The commentary is going to be amazing: Muhammad passes to Muhammed who gives a glorious through ball to Muhammad, Muhammad shoots, Muhammad scores. The crowd explode with excitement! 52,000 people die in that explosion.

At least after the 2022 World Cup, Qatar will have some cracking stadiums to stone women in.

BREAKING NEWS: A 7.2 Magnitude earthquake has been reportd in Zurich, Switzerland. It would appear that Sepp Blatter has dropped his wallet.

I'm just clutching at straws here, but is there any chance David Beckham counted England's votes?

Sepp Blatter is reportedly insensed by allegations of bribery levelled against him and later today will be making a statement from his brand new Russian Mansion.

I have a spider on my keyboard. I've got it under ctrl.