One day Johnny peaks into his parents room and sees his dad giving it to his mum, whilst she's bent over the dresser, his dad sees him and gives him a wink.

After he finishes, his dad goes to check on Johnny, he goes into Johnny's bedroom and sees grandma bent over the dresser with Johnny hanging out the back of her.

Dad yells at Johnny "what the fuck are you doing son" Johnny replies back "not so fucking funny when it’s your mum is it!!?"

LOLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!

sick but funny

Perth Glory.

:shock: :lol: 8-[

still, that result means that Melbourne are better than you. ;) :p

Edited by southern3: 17/1/2010 10:50:31 AM

Because they did that on their own turf? [-x
We still beat them 3-0 as well. And are in front of them at this moment.

without a game in hand. ;)

Eh? Currently we've played the same amount of games and we're 1 point in front of them. So regardless of how we go the sarvo, we'll still be in front of them.

I walked into a bar the other night. It hurt.


Yeah yeah its old but I don't care.

I'm ashamed to admitt it.

Sydney FC after yesterday afternoon.

And add to that list Mark Bridge and Byun Sung-Hwan a.k.a got no fucking clue how to cross.

And yet Sydney still lost to them.

This next joke is extremely uncomfortable.

A man is at a nudist beach, reading the paper. a little girl walks by and peers under his paper.

"What's that"? she says

"Oh, ummmm, that's my, ermmm, my bird" the man replies, somewhat surprised

"Ok," replies the girl, and she walks away.

The man falls asleep, and wakes up later in hospital.

"What happened,"? he cries to a doctor.

"We had to amputate your penis sir. No-one saw what happened apart from this little girl here"

The man turns to the little girl and asks what happened.

The Girl replied "i was playing with your bird. It spat at me, so I broke it's neck, cracked it's eggs, and set fire to it's nest"

Disturbing to say the least.

:lol:

Not sure if I'm a big fan of the new jokes thread...

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. 'Quick,' said the woman to the lover,'into the closet,' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. 'Who are you?' he asked him. 'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone, ' said the exterminator. 'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked. 'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied. 'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband. The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little b**tards!'

A police officer is walking past a pub when he sees a man standing on the side of the road. Just standign there with a confused look on his face and his car keys held out in front of him.

The officer says to the man "Excuse me sir, what is it that you think you're doing?"

The man drunkenly replies "I'm gettin' in me car to go home."

The officer informs the drunk that threre is no car there and the drunk shouts "Fuck! Someone must have stolen it!"

As the officer moves to arrest the drunken man he looks down to see that he is...'exposing' himself. When he points out to the drunk that he is in fact hanging out of his trousers, the drunk shouts "Those scummy bastards got my girlfriend too!"

Adolf Hitler is speeding through Germany with his chauffeur at the wheel on his way to an important address.
Driving down a country road, the chauffeur (who is distracted, looking out the window at the countryside) doesn't see a pig walk out onto the road, and he hits in with the car.

Stopping the car, he jumps out, and Adolf climbs out also to see what is going on. The chauffeur, very distressed by what he's done asks Hitler what they should do, and Hitler tells him impatiently that they're in a hurry and they should move the pig to the side of the road and go to the address and worry about it later.

All the way to the address the chauffeur, who is a fairly good-hearted person despite his employer, is worried about the family who owned the pig and wondered how they'd react to discovering the pig, so when they arrived he asked Hitler whether he shouldn't drive back to the farm and let them know what happened.

Hitler agrees before hurrying to the podium, and the Chauffeur hurries back down the road.

Four hours later, stumbling down the road, his arms full of sausage and bread and his breath smelling of liquor.

Hitler in a rage demands to know what has happened to him, and the chauffeur explains, "I did what I thought was right. I went to the farm where I killed the pig. When I went and knocked on the door and gave them the news, they gave me this sausage and bread, fed me the best ale I've ever tasted and let me have their way with their beautiful nubile young daughter and then sent me on my way."

Adolf seemed confused by this and asks his chauffeur, "well what exactly did you tell them?"

To which the chauffeur replied "I really can't understand it either, all I did was tell them "I'm Hitler's Chauffeur, and I killed the pig."

Foudndthis one and thought it was alright:

Rafa Benitez drives up to Sir Alex Ferguson’s house in a brand new Ferrari.

“How the hell can you afford that?” booms Sir Alex, impressed by the shiny vehicle.

Rafa tells him that he just pawned some of his old trophies, and that he bought it with the money.

So, the very next morning, Sir Alex takes some of his teams trophies to the very same pawn shop, and they offer him just £5000.

Outraged, he asks the old man behind the counter why they gave Rafa enough to buy a Ferrari and him only enough for a second hand Mini or some such.

The pawn shop worker replies…

“His were antiques”.

Why are cyclones usually named after women?

[spoiler] Because they come wet and wild and fuck everything up [/spoiler]

excuse the mistakes that will be in this but you should get the general idea

Kevin Rudd is visiting the queen in London. He asks her "How do you run the country so smoothly" She replies "You need good people around you. I'll show you"

She calls in Gordon Brown and asks him a riddle. "Your parents have a baby and its not your sister and its not your brother. Who is it?" to which Gordon simply says "It's me"

Rudd goes back to Australia and calls in Wayne Swan and says "Swanny. If your parents have a baby and its not your bother and its not your sister. Who is it?" Wayne Swan looking confused says "Um, I'm not sure. Let me go and um confer and I'll get back to you."

Wayne Swan finds Tony Abbott and asks him "Your parents have a baby and its not your sister and its not your brother. Who is it?" Tony Says "It's me" Wayne Swan heads back to Kevin Rudd and Says "I have the answer. It's Tony Abbott." "NO YOU MORON" screams Kevin "Its Gordon Brown"

Any chance to make fun of our MPs

Edited by TimmyJ: 1/2/2010 12:17:35 AM

Yeah, heard that one before but instead of politicians and royalty, Jobe Wheelhouse, Gary Van Egmond, Lawrie McKinna and John Hutchinson were used. :lol:

A good one nonetheless.

What do you call a man floating in the water?
[spoiler]Bob[/spoiler]
What do you call a man who sleeps on your front doorstep?
[spoiler]Matt[/spoiler]
What do you call a woman who lives on a tennis court?
[spoiler]Annette[/spoiler]
What do you call a man who lives in your mailbox
[spoiler]Bill[/spoiler]

Woman standing nude, looks in the mirror and says to her husband "I look fat and ugly, please pay me a compliment". Husband says "your eyesight is spot on".

Man comes home and catches his mate shagging his wife so he stabs him to death. His missus says "keep carrying on like that and soon you wont have any mates left".

On a similar note to Heineken's.

What do you call a woman with one leg?
[spoiler]Eileen[/spoiler]

What do you a Japanese woman with one leg?
[spoiler]Irene[/spoiler]

A woman is standing infront of a mirror staring at her boobs and looking quite upset, she complains to her husband "my breasts are too small".
The husband replies, "well now, that's an easy fix. All you gotta do is rub a piece of toilet paper on them each day and they'll get bigger."
"How the fuck is that going to help?"
"Well, it worked for your arse didn't it?"

:lol: :lol:

Q: If a motorcyclist runs into a woman, who is to blame?

A: [spoiler]The motorcyclist is. He shouldn't have been riding in the kitchen[/spoiler]



Edited by Nico: 3/2/2010 01:00:47 PM

It’s been announced on Sky Sports News that Capello has phoned Wayne Bridge to let him know that John Terry has lost his captain’s armband.

He has asked Bridge to check under the bed.

LOOOOOL!

Husband says to wife "Do you fancy playing a rape game?" Wife says "NO!". Husband replies "Thats the spirit!"